IDENTITY CRISIS

The constant thought that we are more than we currently show the world

The fear that we are not enough, or that what we have in our minds as

who we are, is not what the world sees or what we succeed in showing.

The desire to be like the ones we admire, speak like those we love hearing

from, dress like those we love looking at, sing and dance like him or her,

calculate algebra like him, be fierce in a debate like her, have the charisma

and charm of him, have the hour-glass figure of her, the angular nature of his chin,

her milky skin tone, if only we could tweek our eyes to slant like hers or whiten

our teeth to shine like he’s, be a public speaker like her, journalism skills like

him, beautiful children like them, a mansion like him, a Bentley like her…

The belief that if only we had 2% of each and every person we admire and love,

then we would be halfway perfect, right?

 

And so starts the journey of identity crisis, started when we did not even

know this was happening, and as we grow older the stakes just higher.  In our

minds and heart we know who we are, but we hide it from the world.  As we hide

long enough, we start to remember only who we were, for now we have bought

into the new identity artificially created from a twisted need to be perfect and fit

in, whilst abandoning the truth of who we were born to be.  The endangered species

that we are as unique beings, nears it’s end in an identity crisis fashioned from

self-hate and a cycle of inferiority complex upon complex that has no root

in the reality of the truth of our perfection by virtue of the fact that we are

the only existing template and finished product bearing this same fingerprint.

 

We encounter Identity Crisis’s evil twin of frustration along the way,

borne of the expectation of who we want to be not meeting reality.

We change faces, accents, inflections, nuances and personalities back

and forth until we think we have the perfect combination, then reality

hits again and we find that who we have created our self to be still is

not equiped to handle reality.  We thought we could debate like her

so we let our mouths run & when it was time to talk our true self showed

up & was a tongue-tied mumbling mess. We left red-faced with

embarrassment & shame cause in our minds we thought we were Suzie the great debater

but when tested we were the opposite. We thought we could swim

like fish so we decided to show off on vacation like them and almost drowned,

our true self showed up and was no fish, not even a frog. The lessons continued.

 

So here you are 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years old, decades later, withering

& still no true idea of who you really are.  You have managed to be 85% of

a whole lot of other people, 10% of fiction and only 5% the real you which

you only see in your sleep.  At some point though, you can choose to be

courageous and discover your true self.  You will be surprised just how

fascinating and amazing that person turns out to be unlike the fiction

of the combination of people you created.  You may not talk eloquently

like her, but have you seen the words you create on paper, stunning.  You

may not be a great debater but how dare you not see the talent in the painting

you created last week.  You may not have his charm and charisma, but when

you sing Angels literally pause in their tracks.  You may not be as tall as her,

but when you jump you reach heights she can’t see, you may not be

an engineer but when you dance, hearts are healed. What is it about you

that you have ignored fearing it is not enough, instead chosing to be a copy

of everyone else?

 

Be still today, be present in who you were created to be,

you do not have it all because you were not made to have it all, so dont

seek it all.  Seek only to be YOU, for you are enough, the real you

is a masterpiece!

 

MAH MEKOLLE

 

 

 

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